Madame Web [2024] – Dakota Johnson, Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced

Madame Web puts the 1970s cheap horror flicks to shame. The movie has a lot more problems than just its controversial connection to Marvel Comics.

I really didn’t want to watch this movie, but a post on social media got me motivated to watch and laugh on it, not with it, and they were right.

To be honest, even if you ignore any supposed connection to anything related to Marvel Comics, it’s still a flailing mess of a movie. Imagine if you will, a thriller without thrills. A sisterhood movie without any chemistry between the vulnerable girls. A comic book movie without laughs. A superhero movie without heroes. Now that you imagined all of that, add to the mix two things: A convoluted story that goes nowhere, and some of the worst audio dubbing. The dialogue is so bad that it’s hurts you when you hear it…that’s when you know the writing is not good. Half the time, we were hearing the audio without actually seeing the actor. And for the other half, the lips and facial expressions didn’t match anything we were hearing. Like way off.

Yes, I don’t blame the actors. Especially Dakota Johnson. She does a fine job as a reluctant superhero, but this movie doesn’t serve her well. It doesn’t serve anyone involved in it well. In fact, the movie seems perfectly content with riding Spider-Man’s coattails (in an obviously forced way) rather than trying for something smart, original, and coherent. “Magic Spider People” anyone?

If anything, this movie represents one single thing: Sony’s deperation, corporate cynicism, and a total lack of respect for the movie rights they have. Mada, Web’s desperation to ride Spider-Man’s coattails is pathetic, but its convoluted, coincidence-laden nonsense is duller than you’d imagine: it’s not even so bad it’s fun.

At this point, there’s no hope for Sony. They should just cancel the release of Karven and scrap Venom 3 to be honest.

Should You Watch It?

In 2024, how can you be this bad at making movies? To be honest, I don’t blame the actors, they didn’t know that they signed up to this level of incompetence. Highlight of the movie? An $80M product placement for Pepsi.

Where Can I Watch It?

Madame Web is now playing in theaters.